Pandemic and Crisis:
“Mirror mirror on the wall” …..!!! Ohh !!No!! No !! hold on don’t guess please this is not a sob wrinkles Or cosmetics or beauty regime Or makeup cover up story but an article which is skin deep.
Want you to look in the mirror second time and tell me what you see.
Do you look aged? Do you see wrinkles?
Ahem! noticed any dark circles around your eyes or
grey hair on your head?
You are looking at a mass of body uniquely evolved from a decade. A lot of it you probably doesn’t like admitting—changes due to your body growing older, changes that cannot be avoided, changes that made you wise.
Now look in the mirror again. Do you notice a more confident person? Someone who is mature,self-reliant, optimistic and happy in life?
My midlife crisis bubbled underneath the facade from a momentary outburst to gradual buildup in the form of tensions, invisible, but no less real. Some of us are like erupting embers of volcano—those heated moments to release pressure. Others struggle in silence, I boiled down with restlessness and anxiety, too, but I gulped it down, as it is pandemic well understood, and went about my daily routine household chores. My rational mind knew I had everything I ever dreamed of: a well educated earning husband, two healthy kids, a job I loved(but lost to to a virus), a big house. I hated myself for wondering and worrying , “Is this it?”
With the unexpected authority of covid19, all the world has seized to exist. Job losses economic crisis….world is on the verge of another recession it seems, and what not.All hell has broke loose. I am a person who always has been fueled by a desire to move forward with time. With each of those goals accomplished, I felt successful but empty. There were no alluring milestones left anymore to reach. Plus, my aging clock ticking overwhelmed me to remind; I no longer wanted to move forward, I wanted to go backward.
Time and time again, I found myself longing for my old life—an unencumbered existence marked by self-indulgence and impulsivity..Impromptu weekend getaways. With kids being the priority now …. sometimes…..I wander back.
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”
Irrespective of where we stand, I can bet that none of us like it when change is forced upon us. So we fight it because the unknown generally feels scary which makes us we feel out of control. But understand it’s just matter of perspective?
Think positive think Progress.
Not Change it’s easy to play the victim card and think only about the negative impacts of change, completely overlooking the good it might bring.As of now I don’t see any positives due to this. It’s midlife I overlooked my career for kids and this has an impact all negative ….people think twice to hire a person older than the manager himself/herself.
Now tell me what good it can bring?How can one have progressive thoughts among not so progressive society?What’s a midlife crisis?
I used to belive it’s the stuff of jokes and stereotypes—the time in life when you do outrageous, impractical things like impulsive actions, quitting a job,buying a luxury jewelry,dining in a overly expensive restaurant…etc.
Are you having a midlife crisis? Is midlife crisis a myth? Or is it a transition?
A depressed 36-year-old patient who told his therapist, “Up till now, life has seemed an endless upward slope, with nothing but the distant horizon in view. Now suddenly I seem to have reached the crest of the hill, and there stretching ahead is the downward slope with the end of the road in sight—far enough away, it’s true—but there is death observably present at the end.”
Whatever be the term, the “crisis” or “transition” tends to occur around significant life events.You could have one because you had achieved everything you intended to, but couldn’t see the point of it all now Or you could have one because you hadn’t achieved anything significant or enough.
And this thought made me ponder for a while I looked at my neighbor hood. And particularly 3 families caught my perception about life.
Head of the family jobless sole bread earner taking frustration out on dependents …domestic violence,the wife felt suffocated. According to her she wasn’t in a bad relationship. It was fine. It had its ups and downs. But it was secure and fine. Did I hear fine?
A single job less mother.This is the second case, advanced version of family 1 as we call it in s/w terminology , a phase after realization dawned on the female of first family.There’s no doubt it takes an unbelievable amount of strength and courage to raise kids on your own.
Old parents living on pension.
This is the phases which is sum-total of the repercussions, indicates they survived all the nuances.Had seen many after effects, had been shock absorb-ers to many adversities of life . At least they are together now though abandoned by kids.
I realized the 3 phases of badly affected lives in front of me during pandemic,my heart soared specially for the single job less mom as she is very close to me.
So …She is nearly 40, broke and alone? It’s far from easy. It’s constant chaos. It’s punch in the gut sadness. It’s cry laughing. But isn’t that part of the grandeur of this short life?
She is nearly 40, broke and alone. Lives in a tiny, damp flat and is two weeks behind paying rent. I worry about her rent and other expenses. There are not much nice things to say about being a financially challenged single parent, but I do appreciate the value of money again after seeing her hardships.
She has her kids half the time, which I love, but on the days she don’t have them, she comes home, alone, to the quiet. But please don’t feel sad for her.She had seen worst than that a decade of silence over violence.
At the cusp of 40, she has never been more terrified, lonely, and uncertain about life on top of it no job and lost hope.
Men might flaunt their worth by their job performance, success, even though their achievements don’t gauge up as they had hoped.
Women often are validated on relationships, even if they’ve had a lifelong career. So at mid-life, they are likely to evaluate their performance as a wife, mother, or both. Rational view is men and women alike turn from the ancient task of making a living to the strange new task of living in the late 80’s.
But women soon realized that the midlife crisis contained a kind of liberation story, with the women’s movement: If you hated your life, you could change it.It was fair to think of age 40 as the beginning of the end.
Women now are going to work in equal numbers, more financial independence. And there is dramatic social upheaval, Midlife crises were once defined according to gender norms: Women were disoriented and disappointed by relational changes and men by career changes. As more and more women are pursuing careers and earning their living, their midlife anxieties have expanded. What midlife crisis looks like depends on the woman who’s experiencing it.
It is somewhat emotional:
By the time we reach middle age, it’s unlikely that trauma or loss you will have not experienced. Like death in the family, change in identity(marriage), divorce, physical or emotional abuse, discrimination and other impactful experiences may have left you with persistent grief. There is a certainty we may find ourselves questioning our deepest beliefs and choices.
And it is also somewhat societal:
Our youth-obsessed society is not at all kind to aging women. Like many of us, one may feel invisible once attain middle age. You may be struggling to care for your children and your aging parents at the same time. Making difficult choices about family and career that men your age did not have to make. And divorce or the gender equality may mean you have chronic financial anxieties.
The problem is that thinking, however, that guilty feeling about feeling sad, frustrated, and scared, and ignoring those feelings to fulfill responsibilities doesn’t help things. No matter how well you are coping, it’s alright to feel upset and even angry. Regardless what your circumstances are, it probably feels like your world’s been turned upside down. Nothing feels secure anymore and it may seem like everything you could count on before is now gone.and the agonizing powerlessness on anything…job,finance,security.
Bottling Up Emotions Does Not Eliminate Them….but it is in Finding The Silver Lining
Normal right now is a drifting goal, and there are likely to be several versions of it before we all feel connected to a secure and comfortable new routine. And you need to acknowledge these feelings in order to get through them and on to a healthy environment in this new culture. Of course, being angry and flustering around complaining won’t change the state of things, but these feelings also won’t go away on their own.
When and, if, we go back to some sort of the “old normal”, there will be things we will miss about our current circumstances, too.
We may not grieve in the same way – economy slump and pandemics won’t be missed – but we might look back and think it was good to have slowed down a bit, spent time with the family more, and to have found a little extra time for being forced into re-prioritizing and taking a new look at the old way of doing things.
The many changes 2020 has brought about, mean that most of us have had to make some abrupt switches to the way we do things. There is no denying to the fact that things have changed a great deal lately, and most will agree it’s not been for the better.
But I’ve also never felt all the more creative, more emotional and more free.
I’m riding this incredibly fast and scary roller coaster and it’s exhilarating.
37….40 is just a number. I know this is what sad, old people say, but I’m coming to realize that – guys, 40 is actually just a number. OK … OK?!
But seriously, 40 don’t look like it used to be. 40 is a new 20.
I’m able to see beyond the next household chore or cooking a meal. In spite of all the issues I’m writing, I’m singing !And perhaps this is a midlife crisis. And if it is, frankly, I’ve never enjoyed a crisis more.
“A midlife crisis, no matter what time of life it occurs, is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, to understand and accept the choices we’ve made and the limitations we have, and to work past the obstacles to claiming more of the life we wish to live,”